I'm guessing if you have arrived here you are interested in Style and Fashion but, perhaps, want a bit of help to become more confident about developing and demonstrating your own personal style.
This is Step #1 in my 10 Step "Be Your Own Style Coach" programme.
Before you read this, I suggest you just glance through the Introduction which explains how this works.
OK, now we can get on with interesting stuff.
The first step is something I call "The Reality Check". This is a simple but challenging stage and I know most of you will hate it, but try to resist the urge to skip it. It may be the most important stage for you.
Think of it as preparing the canvas before painting a picture.
OK, take a deep breath, close the curtains... and take off your clothes. Stand in front of a full length mirror and look at yourself. How does that feel?
If this is something you do a lot and you feel really comfortable that you know and accept your body, you can skip right on to Step 2.
But it's more likely you are one of over 80% of woman who never look at their body and have negative views about it. Most of us compare ourselves to the "perfect" images we see everyday and find ourselves falling very short of the "ideal".
In 1997, the Social Issues Research Centre said:
Women are continually bombarded with images of the 'ideal' face and figure – what Naomi Woolf calls 'The Official Body'. Constant exposure to idealised images of female beauty on TV, magazines and billboards makes exceptional good looks seem normal and anything short of perfection seem abnormal and ugly. It has been estimated that young women now see more images of outstandingly beautiful women in one day than our mothers saw throughout their entire adolescence.
Also, most women are trying to achieve the impossible: standards of female beauty have in fact become progressively more unrealistic during the 20th century. In 1917, the physically perfect woman was about 5ft 4in tall and weighed nearly 10 stone. Even 25 years ago, top models and beauty queens weighed only 8% less than the average woman, now they weigh 23% less. The current media ideal for women is achievable by less than 5% of the female population – and that's just in terms of weight and size. If you want the ideal shape, face etc., it's probably more like 1%.
Recent studies in US found that:
- The average U.S. woman is 5’4” and weighs 140 pounds whereas the average U.S. model is 5’11” and weighs 117 pounds.
- The “ideal” woman - portrayed by models, Miss America, Barbie dolls, and screen actresses - is 5’5, weighs 100 pounds and wears a size 5.
- 30% of women chose an ideal body shape that is 20% underweight and an additional 44% chose an ideal body shape that is 10% underweight.
- women overestimate the size of their hips by 16% and their waists by 25%
"Body image" is a mental picture we concoct which often has little basis in reality. Overheard comments from your mother, snide remarks from siblings and classmates, imagined slights from colleagues, teasing remarks from lovers - it can all add up to a body image which is far removed from what we actually see in the mirror (if we ever look!).
We can probably all see why this is an issue for women and there has been plenty written about how women are suffering in many areas due to poor self-esteem driven by a negative body-image. This isn't the place to go into these bigger issues.
We're concerned with the connection between body-image and dressing. And that brings us to Confidence - the single most important attribute for a stylish woman.
I'm not talking about being brash, breezing into the room and leaving others cowering in your wake. Being Style Confident means being able to dress in a way that pleases you, that expresses your personality and your values. It means understanding and accepting your body shape and size, your proportions, your curves, your skinny bits and your flabby bits.
To be confident, adventurous and have the attitude to be a truly stylish woman you need to be in touch with your body. You need to accept it, love it and nurture it.
Instead of hiding your bottom because it's not as pert as it was 20 years ago, you can focus on showing off your shapely waist.
Forget hiding your big bust under a baggy top which makes you look fat and short - go for a gorgeous cleavage.
Stop being ashamed of your skinny legs and learn how to show them off with gladiator style sandals or slouchy boots with flouncy skirts.
To become Style Confident, you must start with the bottom layer - your body. Get to know your body and stop seeing it as a problem. Notice the way it moves, what makes it lovely, how it reacts to different textures and colours. Consider which aspects make you most proud and you would like to show off and which you prefer to minimise.
If you can learn to look at your body, become familiar with it and treat it as your friend, you have the most important tool for becoming truly stylish.
Go on, start unzipping!
